Not really ready (yet) for some football

Once again, a summer tournament has snuck up on us...me, anyway. There is just so much football to watch that the summer break has become as much-needed for the followers as it is for the players. Now that we've got the self-proclaimed worldwide leader plastering the games all over, where we couldn't get a peep out of them 20 years ago- I remember having to scour NYC to find a feed of a football match and spent Euro 1996 in the Hudson Club (it's not the any more), much to the detriment of my waistline- we can't get away from it. Even if I did, you can get watch on the phone on 3, or other, non-publishable websites.

I had thoughts about going, but then thought about the old joke I love to tell: Why do little Polish girls stuff fish in their panties? If you know the answer, then you know why I didn't go.

I also hear about the bustling sex tade in Ukraine. Leaving aside the moral issue, there are a lot of reasons why that would keep me away. I don't mix sex and football, possibly to my detriment. I'm definitely not into Russian birds- Ukraine, Russia, same thing- as I find them soulless. You may as well be nailing a piece of wood. Lastly, and possibly most importantly, I don't want the sloppy thirteenths of 12 drunken English pricks.

So, we open the show with GRE-POL. Last time the Greeks opened the show, they hijacked the Portuguese ship. In a disallusioned rant after Greece's improbable silver-goal victory over the Czech's, a Greek broadcaster, playing on the fact that quite a few of the explorers sailing under the Spanish flag were Greeks, wondered whether Vasco da Gama wasn't Greek.



I don't knoooooooww...he dunn't much look like C.Ronaldo or Nelly Furtado, do he? Rui Costa, nope, neither one. Maybe Figo?

The Poles, who probably wouldn't have qualified otherwise, might show a bit more pride. The issue for them is that two best Polish players are on the Germany side. I believe, however, that the Poles have a pet Brazilian. Maybe he can save us from the goalless snoozefest that this promises to be.

I'll take a stab at predicting who will get out of the groups

Group A - Russia, Greece (Depending on Russia's motivation and Poland's pride; I think the Czech's lack firepower, but you never know)
Group B - Netherlands, Germany (I think C.Ronaldo & crew will find themselves a long way from home)
Group C - Spain, Croatia (I think Italy will be too distracted and just want to GFTO of there)
Group D - North Africa*, England...(see below, I think Ibra will be looking around like he's on the Special Ed team, as he does when Milan fields a team lacking creativity)

I know of England effectively fielding a B team. Glen Johnson, Walcott and cA$hley might be the same person. While Walcott is capable of great play, all you need is the Bastard Son* or Jimmy Lennon to form a box set of semi-useless wing players. That’s surely not a national team, but it’s not god-awful.

Without Lampard out of there, Stevie G may yet accomplish something. They will have to play an unfamiliar style and hope that Lescott’s league form continues. I don’t know what Hodgson thinking putting Downing out there. I don’t even know who Scott Parker is.

The first match all depends on whether North Africa feel like playing. Against North Africa, depending on each side's motivation, I can envision England mustering a goal and possibly holding out. Ultimately, England need to get 3 points from the first two matches and wait for Shrek to ride them through. Maybe he and Stevie G can bond through reminiscing about growing up Everton fans.

* - North Africa > France
* - Bastard Son > Shaun Wright-Phillips
* - Shrek > Wayne Rooney